


elementary

by jenhyung



Series: a series of domestic events [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Drama, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12855222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenhyung/pseuds/jenhyung
Summary: Yuta’s never had anyone like Jaehyun. He tries his best to keep it that way. – Yuta / Jaehyun (College!AU)





	elementary

**Author's Note:**

> 16k+ of i cried for two hours halfway through this because i thought i couldn't finish this but here we are, and here i present you trash writing and bad everything sorry it's terrible... really... not-betaed, nothing new (kissing, fucking (biting))
> 
>  **asode time period** : year 3, july - december

Yuta remembers the first time he meets Jaehyun.

July is bringing its worst weather, all sun and no winds, and Yuta’s taken refuge in an air-conditioned café near campus grounds, a small place called Jenny’s. Doyoung is with him too, agitatedly working against time on a video for one of his part-time jobs that was due in a week or less.

The bell hanging on the door tinkles faintly.

Yuta is fairly distracted the moment the boy steps into the café, bringing in a bout of warm air. His pale skin and dimpled cheeks are the next thing Yuta notices, little beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face. Then, the awkward laugh he makes at the counter, the way he fumbles with his wallet and drops his change, looking slightly disoriented.

On the other hand, Yuta was perfectly comfortable in his seat by the far corner, table scattered with his human anatomy notes. The school year wasn’t for another month or so, but Yuta always liked being prepared. Studying between his volunteer days down at the hospital wasn’t a treacherous chore, but quelling the urge to find out more about the boy at the counter was a completely different game.

“Hey,” Yuta kicks the leg of Doyoung’s chair, causing his childhood friend to look up from his laptop, irritation clear on his face. “Go get me a refill.”

Doyoung looks pointedly at Yuta’s finished drink, “Go get it yourself.”

“Huh,” he muses, tapping his pen against the table. “I seem to recall a certain someone owing me several favours for hooking them up with several girls for their film project because their over-obsessive girlfriend wouldn’t let them hold auditions… Sound any familiar, Doyoung?”

“Not at all,” Doyoung says with a spiteful look, but gets to his feet anyway, cursing Yuta loudly under his breath as he stalks over to the counter, back hunched. It’s perfect luck that Doyoung recognises the boy, pulling him into a one-armed hug with a fresh and friendly grin. They converse while Doyoung orders, and Yuta watches the way the other smiled and nodded as he spoke. Yuta looks back down at his notes when Doyoung is called for his drink, eager to see what was to follow.

“Yuta,” is what he hears before he lifts his head slowly, as if he hadn’t spent the last five minutes openly studying them. “This is Jaehyun, a friend of mine from vocal club.”

Jaehyun has his laptop in a bulky sleeve, hugged tight to his chest. He stares open-mouthed at Yuta for a good five seconds, juggling not to drop his drink as he sticks a hand out to Yuta’s nose, “N – nice to meet you.”

Grabbing Jaehyun’s hand (warm and clammy) and diverting it away from his face, Yuta smiles _the_ smile he knows _works_ , “Nice to meet you too, Jaehyun.”

“Told him he could sit with us,” Doyoung thunks Yuta’s iced tea onto the table, shifting his laptop and bag to make space for their new associate. “Since everywhere else is taken.”

Just as the words leave Doyoung’s lips, a girl by the far corner gets up. Yuta notes the action, but Jaehyun doesn’t, already taking the seat beside him with a timid apology. He thinks Jaehyun looks even more ethereal up close, so he doesn’t mention the (now) empty table just paces away.

“So,” Yuta picks his drink up, taking a sip. “What’s your major?”

“Uh,” Jaehyun blinks, hands stilling atop his computer. Yuta hasn’t seen anyone their age carrying such a, for a lack of descriptive term, ugly-looking case, but it seemed to fit Jaehyun’s demeanour in a fairly good manner. “Photography. Second year.”

“Ah, next year’s my last,” Yuta nods. “And, photography? Like Doyoung here?”

“Videography and photography are very different,” Doyoung pipes up, not bothering to look up from his screen.

Yuta completely disregards his input, “Why don’t you have one of those funky cameras with you? I always see Doyoung lugging one around.”

“I’m, uh,” Jaehyun turns around in his seat so quick, he elbows the table, making their drinks wobble. Doyoung makes a disapproving grunt, and Yuta steadies their drinks before they topple. “Sorry,” Jaehyun winces.

“It’s okay,” he jerks his chin towards Doyoung. “He turns into stress-induced hairball when it comes to deadlines.”

“You’re such a – ”

Yuta kicks him under the table, effectively shutting Doyoung up, “Right. You were saying?”

“It’s a summer assignment,” Jaehyun explains, brandishing his phone. “Using my phone to take pictures, instead of my camera.”

“Cool,” Yuta thinks it’s cute, the way Jaehyun reaches up to swipe at his black hair, punctuating his words. “What’ve you been taking pictures of?”

Jaehyun trifles with his phone, “Food, mostly. And places I’ve been going to and the scenery there, and some of the things I’ve bought, and, uh… People I’ve met.”

Yuta knows a chance when he hears one, “Like me?” Jaehyun’s eyes grow five times, and his lips part into a tiny _o_. “C’mon, let’s take one then,” Yuta puts his drink down, motioning for Jaehyun to come closer. Jaehyun unlocks his phone, and he turns the camera towards Yuta instead, snapping the picture quick.

“My pictures don’t usually have me in them, so – ”

“Okay, then take one with me too,” Yuta shrugs. “Let’s see you put your skills into good use, huh?”

From across the table, Doyoung snickers, “I’ve never seen such _obvious_ flir – ”

“I’m going to unplug your hard drive right now if you finish that sentence, Kim,” Yuta deadpans, reaching over the table. Doyoung yelps, smacking Yuta’s hand right as it hovers over the USB port, fearful of losing all of his files, grumbling in defeat. “So?” He turns back to Jaehyun, looking completely petrified. “Want to take a picture with me or…?”

“Sure,” Jaehyun taps the screen, switching to its front facing camera. “Sure, sure.” Yuta inches closer, grinning, while Jaehyun has on a plastered smile, even more awkward than Yuta expected. Still cute, either way.

“Nice,” he says contentedly as he studies their picture together, albeit stiff, considering it’s their first time meeting. “Will you send it to me?”

“Okay,” Jaehyun nods jerkily, growing silent after that.

Yuta can’t help but tease, “Are you going to ask me for my number? Or do you want to fax it over to me?”

Jaehyun’s cheeks colour a blush pink, laughing nervously, “Right. Right, right, right. Can I have your number?”

 _This is a start_ , Yuta thinks, taking Jaehyun’s phone and keying his number in quickly.

 

x

  

Yuta remembers the first time Jaehyun asks him out.

It takes a month of pretending to bump into one another at Jenny’s. A month of Yuta rushing to the café after a shift at the hospital, hoping to coincidentally run into Jaehyun, stay for a couple of hours, and then leave as the staff announce that they’re closing up. A month of staying for hours in the corner at Jenny’s on his free days, looking up whenever the bell by the door tinkled, deflating when it wasn’t Jaehyun, only to be relieved when Jaehyun _does_ walk through the door, sometimes looking a little winded, smiling when they lock gazes. A month of small conversations and getting to know each other a little bit more, but never more than just that.

For one, Yuta learns that Jaehyun is a much bigger nerd than his Adonis-worthy looks let on. Endless streams of photography jargon and mentions of nature documentaries on wild boars and rhinos on the edge of extinction is all Yuta hears. Other than his passion for photography, Jaehyun was also deeply invested in wildlife preservation. With anyone else, Yuta would’ve found it a bore to listen to, but Jaehyun rambled with so much enthusiasm and fervour that it’s got Yuta donating fifty dollars to a charitable wildlife organisation (it was one that helped Pandas in China, or something along those lines).

Jaehyun is always in slacks and button-up shirts, not quite like Yuta’s style of ripped jeans and loose t-shirts, but he finds Jaehyun even more charming that way. He was always taking pictures (sometimes Yuta would notice him sneaking shots from across the tiny table) and he always had a book with him, thick and heavy, as contrast to the short internet articles Yuta preferred over.

In short, Jaehyun wasn’t quite like Yuta’s type, but he thinks the boy just might be making a break at his usual ideal.

In attempt to get to have Jaehyun know him better, Yuta tells Jaehyun about his goals of becoming a physiotherapist and of working with athletes, to help them recover from sports injuries, or maybe going into research under rehabilitation sciences. He shares that he used to play soccer when he was a kid, but never made it past high school qualifications, so he’s devoted his energy to the sciences since then. Jaehyun listened attentively and made several hums of acknowledgement, all the while completely focused on Yuta, just as he was whenever Yuta spoke.

Jaehyun, with his good looks, never failed to attract several stares or even murmurs, but he never seemed to pay much attention to them. It was always just Jaehyun and Yuta in their little world, be it talking or working silently with their headphones plugged in. It was a little…

Confusing, is what it is. He’s sure that there’s definitely something _there_ with Jaehyun, but the boy seemed a little withdrawn whenever Yuta tried to rest a hand on his, or scoot closer in his seat. It’s definitely made a tiny dent in his confidence to ask Jaehyun out himself, and he was going to throw the towel in when Jaehyun stepped into Jenny’s one fine day, a large bouquet of roses and filler flowers in his hands,

“Yuta?”

Everyone is staring (how could they not? The bouquet is bigger than the sign hanging out front), and Yuta thinks his heart is going to stop working. _Is that for me?_ Slowly, he plucks his headphones from his ears, jaw dropping when Jaehyun thrusts the forest into his face,

“Will you go out with me!”

“Er…” Yuta stands, stepping aside so that the leaves of the bouquet weren’t nearly shoved up his nostrils. While all the attention was doing good to his ego, Yuta wasn’t quite expecting such a dramatic entrance from Jaehyun, sweet and quiet Jaehyun. _O_ _h,_ how long Yuta’s waited for this day to come. “You – ”

“I wasn’t sure!” Jaehyun interjects, stepping forward so quick that Yuta bumps into the next table, trying to avoid being impaled by the roses. While trying to find a way to dodge makeshift sword, Yuta realises that Jaehyun (and by relation, the flowers) is trembling, “I – I wasn’t sure how to ask you out, so I asked Doyoung, and he said your favourite flowers were roses, but I didn’t know _how_ many roses, so I bought thirteen because,” he sucks in a deep breath, “the lady at the shop said it was a good number to confess with, but it looked so empty so I bought _more_ flowers, but I might have overdone it because it got too big, but I thought – ”

“Jaehyun, Jaehyun,” Yuta interrupts him quickly, and he can’t help but let slip a bubble of laughter. “You didn’t have to do all this,” he takes the bouquet from Jaehyun’s hands, admiring the mix of roses, baby’s breaths, and carnations. It smells wonderful, and Yuta feels his heart swell. Placing the flowers gently on the table, he turns to kiss Jaehyun on the cheek, “You’re so _cute_.”

The blush on Jaehyun’s face near matches the roses on the table, “Does that mean you’ll go out with me?”

Yuta laughs. It’s the first time he’s been asked on a date with a gesture like this, especially amongst college kids, Yuta was used to guys asking him out over drinks, but Jaehyun’s the first to make his heart shake, “Yes, Jaehyun, I’ll go out with you.”

Jaehyun’s smile is the widest Yuta’s ever seen, and he thinks, _I could get used to this_.

   

x

   

Yuta remembers their second date.

(Their first wasn’t great, Jaehyun’d spilled Coke all over Yuta’s brand-new pair of jeans in his haste to reach for the bill.)

“What do you want to watch?” Jaehyun asks.

Yuta blinks at the screen, the list of movie titles and timings looking back up at him, and he spots _The Conjuring, 9:55PM_ , “How about that?”

Jaehyun instantly pales, “‘The Conjuring’?”

There’s a bunch of rowdy guys crowding on Jaehyun’s left, so Yuta pulls him aside, taking the chance to lace their fingers together, “Or we could watch something else? If you’re afraid?”

“I’m not afraid,” Jaehyun insists, but the worry lines on his forehead are evident. “We can watch that, I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?” Yuta squeezes his hand gently, stepping close to pull Jaehyun towards him, and sighing inwardly when he hears Jaehyun inhale sharply. While Jaehyun never shied from Yuta’s touches and was beginning to reach for Yuta’s hand whenever they walked down the streets, he still seemed startled whenever Yuta came too close. Determined to have no misread signals, Yuta asks, “Is something wrong?”

“Huh?” Jaehyun looks up, and he’s _so_ close that Yuta can practically see his pupils dilating.

Yuta shrugs, “I mean, I don’t expect us to get super touchy-feely overnight, but…” He wonders how to put it, “You keep shying away from me? Are you uncomfortable, Jaehyun? Around me?”

“No!” Jaehyun jumps nearly a foot into the air. As if to prove a point, he leans close, barely inches between their chests, “No, no, I’m sorry – I – I just – I’m nervous. Around you.”

“Nervous?” Yuta echoes softly. Jaehyun smelled like burnt toast and some sort of expensive body wash. “Why?”

Jaehyun blanks, “It’s _you_.”

Yuta’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he’s laughing again, “You’re _you_ too, Jaehyun. You don’t have to be nervous around me.”

“I know,” Jaehyun rests his forehead on Yuta’s shoulder, and Yuta carefully pulls him into a hug. “I just – you just make me feel… things. I feel like I can’t think at all when I’m around you.”

While standing at the electronic concierge of a theatre is not an ideal place to have this conversation, something stirs in Yuta. Maybe it was because he’s never been in a relationship like this, like dates and handholding, not sex and drinking. Not that Yuta’s past relationships were horrible or unenjoyable or one-sided, they just never _lasted_. They weren’t anything like Jaehyun. He was a change of pace, a breath of fresh air.

“You make me feel things too,” Yuta murmurs into Jaehyun’s hair, kissing it gently, all the while making sure to look out for signs that indicated he was crossing any lines. “I’ve never dated anyone like you,” he admits. “Plus, you make me nervous too.”

“Really?” Jaehyun mumbles.

“Yes,” Yuta smiles when he feels Jaehyun’s hands on his waist, feather light. Hugging Jaehyun tight, he adds, “And, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, okay? I just want you to… be comfortable around me.”

Jaehyun shifts, burying his face into the crook of Yuta’s neck, confessing softly, “I like you.”

“I like you too, you big nerd,” Yuta plays with Jaehyun’s hair, twisting the strands between his thumb and pointer finger. This is _new_. “Now, the movie, if you don’t want to watch a horror one, we can – ”

“No, it’s okay,” Jaehyun pulls away, and Yuta misses the touch instantly. “I don’t mind, really.”

A second into the movie, and Jaehyun’s iron grip in Yuta’s hand is clear indication that he _did_ mind. The flashing images and terrifying soundtrack is nothing much to Yuta, but Jaehyun is on the edge of his seat, looking like he’s two heartbeats away from clambering over the armrest and into Yuta’s lap.

“Jae,” Yuta whispers, just as something flies past the screen, causing the younger to squeak. “Want to leave?”

Jaehyun shakes his head without loosening his hold on Yuta’s hand, covering his eyes with the other as thunder and lightning strike on-screen. Afraid his own might fall off from the lack of blood circulation, Yuta shakes Jaehyun off, eliciting a worried whimper from him. Yuta pushes the armrest up wordlessly, beckoning for Jaehyun to lean on his chest. Even in the dark, Yuta can see Jaehyun’s hesitation, but a blood curling scream forces Jaehyun out of his seat and into Yuta’s arms, fingers tangling into Yuta’s shirt.

It takes several minutes, but Jaehyun relaxes as the movie refocuses itself into the plot, a break from the initial series of jump scares and hair-raising music. Jaehyun is several inches taller, so it doesn’t quite translate well when he has his face buried into the juncture of Yuta’s neck and shoulder, knees banging into the row of seats below them.

“Hey,” the man below them spins in his seat. “Could you stop with the knees? Some of us are actually trying to watch a movie here.”

It could’ve been worded a little more politely, and Yuta could so _easily_ chuck the bucket of popcorn over the man’s head, but Jaehyun apologises immediately, adjusting his legs so that his knees were closer to Yuta’s and away from the row of seats.

“What an _ass_ ,” Yuta comments loudly, and he’s ready to hurl insults at the man if he stood up to argue, but he doesn’t get the chance because the leading lady is shrieking on screen. Jaehyun turns to hug Yuta tight, and the anger dissipates almost immediately, focusing instead on his date pressed against his chest.

The rest of the movie is equally scary to Jaehyun. Yuta tightens his grip whenever Jaehyun yelped, and he prays to any higher power that the final scare wouldn’t be _too_ horrifying.

Torn and tattered (mainly Jaehyun), they make it to the end of the movie, Jaehyun still wrapped snug in Yuta’s arms, breathing heavily.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Yuta jokes, just as the lot of audience clear out, leaving them in a relatively vacant theatre.

“That was _terrifying_ ,” Jaehyun says with a shudder, slowly uncurling from his fetal position, wincing at what probably is a sore back. His sheepish demeanour is back in a snap, red creeping onto his cheeks, “Thanks for, uh – for – ”

“Holding you while you were busy getting scared?” Yuta raises his brows, trying to get Jaehyun comfortable again.

It works, because Jaehyun is narrowing his eyes and straightening his button up, “I wasn’t scared!”

“Of _course_ you weren’t,” Yuta rolls his eyes, grabbing the unfinished drink from the cup holder and getting up to walk away.

“Wait!” Jaehyun latches onto his arm again, and Yuta stumbles, shoulder bumping into Jaehyun’s chest.

“What is it?” Yuta glances around. There’s no one left in the theatre.

“Okay,” Jaehyun sighs, clasping onto Yuta’s hand. “Okay, maybe I _am_ a little scared.”

Yuta barks a laugh, “Well,” he lifts their hands up to Jaehyun’s line of sight, making a show of lacing their fingers together. “You better hold onto me then.”

Jaehyun breaks into a blinding smile, nodding eagerly.

   

When they’re back out into the cool autumn night, Jaehyun is still pressed against Yuta, and while it makes walking a little difficult, Yuta figures he doesn’t really mind.

Back on his usual spiel about his day of general courses (“Why do I have to take biology when I’m an arts’ student? Who even _majors_ in biology? If I ever meet someone majoring in biology, I’ll give them ten dollars for taking the fall for the rest of us.”), Yuta is less worried about Jaehyun getting scared by shadows and more worried about their next destination. He waits for Jaehyun to finish up about his eventful day before saying,

“It’s getting late.”

As much as he wanted Jaehyun around, his morning shift at the hospital was going to be burdensome without enough sleep. He didn’t want Jaehyun pressured into doing anything either (like coming over), not when he’s just gotten Jaehyun a foot out of his timid shell, “Where do you stay?”

“Uh,” Jaehyun looks away from the sign at the bus stand. “On campus?”

“Right, I forgot,” Yuta nods, familiar with State’s housing policy for first and second-years.

“What about you?” Jaehyun asks, swinging their hands a little. Yuta thinks it’s endearing. Never mind that, Yuta thinks Jaehyun, in general, is endearing.

“Just a metro station away,” Yuta shrugs. “But I can walk you back? Since it’s so close?”

“But, uh,” Jaehyun laughs nervously. “I wanted to send you home.”

“Hah,” Yuta gives him a look of disbelief. “Can you even make it alone from my apartment to the dorms when you’re this freaked out?”

Puffing out his chest, Jaehyun furrows his brows, “I’m not freaked out.”

Widening his eyes, Yuta looks over Jaehyun’s shoulder, “There’s someone behind yo – ”

“No, no, _no_ , nope!” Jaehyun yelps, nearly tipping Yuta backwards as he rushes to turn around. Once he’s met with the sight of nothing, Jaehyun turns on his heels, jutting out his lower lip, “ _Please_ don’t do that.”

Yuta laughs, lifting a hand to caress Jaehyun’s cheek softly, grinning when Jaehyun doesn’t recoil at the touch, instead keening into it, “Sorry, but you’re just too cute not to make fun of.”

Jaehyun exhales loudly, “In all honesty, I might have to run the entire way back.”

“I’ll send you home then,” Yuta brushes Jaehyun’s hair out of his eyes before letting his hand fall back to his side. “And you can send me home after our next date.”

Jaehyun’s eyes light up at that, “Deal?”

Yuta can’t stop the smile that surfaces, “Deal.”

He moves to lead them back towards campus, heart soaring when Jaehyun takes the initiative to lace their fingers together.

 

x

 

Yuta remembers their first kiss.

“Will you _please_ stop taking pictures of me,” Yuta groans, shying away from Jaehyun as he tries, yet again, to take another million photographs.

“But you look really good today,” Jaehyun whines, getting up from Yuta’s couch to follow him into the kitchen. By luck, none of Yuta’s four other housemates were in that evening, and while it was hardly Jaehyun’s first time over, it did make him more comfortable with just them two.

Things were progressing slowly but steadily, not that Yuta minded much. School was back in business, and just reading the course syllabi for this term’s workload has taken Yuta’s mind off of things a little. Sure, there were some nights he wished to have Jaehyun in bed with him, lulled to sleep by the sound of Jaehyun’s heartbeat, but he was determined to take things slow. He was determined to do everything right by the book in order to have Jaehyun for as long as he could, longer than any of his relationships ever lasted.

“You say that every day,” Yuta deadpans, opening the fridge in search for some dessert. They’d just gotten back from dinner nearby, but he had an itch for something sweet now.

“That’s because I think you look really good every day,” Jaehyun grins, leaning against the kitchen counter.

It takes everything in Yuta not to smile at that because, while he was happy and relieved Jaehyun was starting to relax around him, he didn’t think the supply of cheesy lines Jaehyun had up his sleeve was part of the packaged deal, “I want dessert.”

“Hmm?” Jaehyun doesn’t look up from his phone, sifting through the array of photos he’d taken just minutes ago. All of which Yuta, some of which together.

Yuta shuts the fridge, turning around to study Jaehyun, a pastime growing to be his favourite. It’s been three months, and Jaehyun looks just as he did the day he walked through the doors at Jenny’s. He’s gotten a haircut, under Yuta’s subtle suggestion, and the new style wasn’t too short to have it look odd, but it wasn’t too long to cover Jaehyun’s features either. Slacks and button-up shirts were still Jaehyun’s staple, and Yuta thinks he might’ve taken a fine liking to them now.

He never thought he’d ever date someone like Jaehyun, but right now, he’s positive that there’s no one else he’d rather be with.

“Dessert, Jae,” Yuta repeats. “C’mon, I’ll walk you to the station, and we can get Pinkberry on the way.”

Jaehyun locks his phone, but not before Yuta catches sight of his wallpaper: their first picture together from their first meeting at Jenny’s, “Are you kicking me out because I was taking pictures?”

“No, you big doof,” Yuta presses a kiss to Jaehyun’s cheek (for being cute about the wallpaper and to get him out and into his shoes), moving out of the kitchen to pull on a light jacket. “I’m kicking us both out because I want dessert.”

 

Pinkberry at nine-thirty is not busy.

Yuta orders a pomegranate with three toppings, and Jaehyun gets a mango with two. Huddled in plastic seats, Yuta sighs contentedly after the first bite, satisfied with his executive decision to get frozen yogurt. Jaehyun takes a few pictures before he eats, and Yuta doesn’t mind much, used to Jaehyun’s little ritual by now. He shifts to sit in the seat adjacent to Yuta, instead of the one across, and Yuta expects him to move away after he’s done with his little shoot, but Jaehyun puts his phone down, digging in.

“Do you want to try some?” Yuta holds a heap of frozen yogurt out. Jaehyun takes it with murmured thanks, holding a scoop of his mango, with bits of Oreo sprinkles, after taking a bite of the pomegranate. It’s sweet, and Yuta nods approvingly, “I like it.”

“You – ” Jaehyun gulps visibly, pink spoon still hanging in front of Yuta’s lips.

“What?” Yuta inches away, grabbing a tissue from the holder and wiping his lips clean. “Did I get it?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun’s eyes dart back down to his yogurt.

The pout Jaehyun sports doesn’t go unnoticed by Yuta, but he says nothing about it. _Did he want to kiss me?_

Dating Jaehyun was a test to Yuta’s patience. While he was undeniably attracted to Jaehyun (his arms, _oh,_ his _arms_ ; Yuta once saw him sleeveless during a nature photoshoot Jaehyun’d invited him to and he thinks his throat’s never been dryer), he didn’t want to force himself onto Jaehyun. He wanted to make sure that Jaehyun was the one to make the first move, a proper signal that he was perfectly fine with the pace of their relationship.

It didn’t help that Jaehyun was so naturally shy either, and Yuta’s figured he should probably do something about it if he wanted to keep his sanity,

“Why the pout?” Yuta steals a scoop from Jaehyun, leaning his arms against the table.

“I’m not pouting,” Jaehyun grumbles, pushing his cup of yogurt towards Yuta for them to share anyway.

“Yes, you are,” Yuta takes another bite, speaking slowly, watching closely. “I’m looking at you right now, and I can see you sulking.”

It’s incoherent mumbling, and then, “ – kiss you.”

Yuta has to stop the fireworks in his heart to say, “What?”

Jaehyun straightens, resolution clear and steady on his face, “I wanted to kiss you.”

“Okay,” Yuta offers a gentle smile, placing his spoon into his own empty yogurt cup. “Kiss me.”

Jaehyun inhales deeply, and Yuta thinks he’s going to lean in slow. In about half a second, Jaehyun’s hands are on Yuta’s face, lips smashing onto Yuta’s, a tad bit too rough. Not that it mattered, because Yuta’s curling his fingers into Jaehyun’s collar, pulling him close. It’s too late to stop the fireworks now; they’re exploding madly in Yuta’s ears. Grinning into the kiss, he parts his lips to let Jaehyun slide his tongue between them, experimentally licking the insides of his cheeks and the ridges of his teeth.

He tastes like mango, and a little sweeter than that, and Yuta is thanking every single deity out there for allowing him to have this grand moment at Pinkberry. Jaehyun softens the kiss, and Yuta takes a peek, a shiver running through his body when he sees that Jaehyun has his eyes screwed shut.

Yuta pulls back, and Jaehyun’s eyes fly open, breathing heavy.

“I’m nervous too,” he whispers against Jaehyun’s lips, placing a pregnant pause between them before kissing him again, unhurried.

Instead of telling Jaehyun not to be nervous, Yuta’s realised along the way with trial and error that it worked better when he admitted he was nervous as well. On some level, Yuta thinks Jaehyun might just need to _know_ that he wasn’t the only one anxious, and maybe hearing it from Yuta made him feel a little more assured. In any case, he feels Jaehyun nod, even with their lips still together, growing pliant under Yuta’s hands.

Contrary to Yuta’s expectations, Jaehyun is a good kisser. He tilts right enough for their noses to brush, but not for it to be irritating, he tugs on Yuta’s lower lip a lot, but not enough for it to hurt. Yuta’s nearly ready to climb into Jaehyun’s lap to further deepen the kiss when a red-faced girl interrupts them with a small cough, announcing that it’s been twenty minutes past their closing time.

Embarrassed and running on a high, Yuta tugs Jaehyun out the store, pressing kisses to Jaehyun’s cheeks the moment the cool air hits their skin. They break into giggles, and it’s about ten paces from Pinkberry that Jaehyun presses Yuta against the brick wall, holding their bodies flush.

Yuta tilts his head up, and Jaehyun leans down to kiss him, tasting each other again, mango and pomegranate. Jaehyun moves to trail kisses on the side of Yuta’s lips, lining them along the underside of his jaw, leading up to the soft spot just under Yuta’s ear.

“ _Jae_ ,” Yuta gasps, eyes fluttering shut when Jaehyun takes Yuta’s earlobe between his lips, sending a new wave of pleasure through his limbs. _It’s been too long_. Gripping onto Jaehyun’s arms (his _arms_!), Yuta angles his head away, biting back a moan that threatens to break through. It’s surely too quick for Jaehyun, and he didn’t want the boy to do something he’d regret.

Yuta squirms, refusing to let his hips jerk up, not matter how much he wanted to, “J – Jaehyun, no – ”

In an instant, Jaehyun is off him, but his hands are still planted on the wall on either side of Yuta’s face, eyes _dark_. He stares at Yuta for a moment longer, but Yuta interrupts before Jaehyun could spout an apology,

“I don’t want to rush into things,” Yuta explains, releasing his death grip on Jaehyun’s biceps, smoothening his palms against Jaehyun’s chest until they’re resting lightly on broad shoulders. “Let’s not rush into things too quickly, okay?”

Jaehyun’s eyes search Yuta’s face, a hint of confusing hiding in his knitted brows, “You don’t… You don’t want to?”

Yuta gives Jaehyun’s shoulders a short squeeze, “I just don’t want to rush things between us.” _I want to make sure everything’s done right_.

Nodding, Jaehyun mumbles, “Okay.” He licks his lips, then, “But can I kiss you?.”

It’s so innocent that Yuta’s toes curl in efforts to stop himself from laughing, “We can kiss. We can do that.”

At the green light, Jaehyun dips down again, sweeping Yuta off his feet like a knight in white armour.

 

x

 

Yuta remembers their first ‘I love you’.

It’s over fall break that the rest of Yuta’s housemates have driven out of the city to an Airbnb cabin with their significant others, leaving the house empty. He makes this comment in passing, but Jaehyun doesn’t miss a thing, asking if he could spend _his_ fall break with Yuta then.

“Not going back home?” Yuta asks, warming his hands with his drink. It’s a pumpkin spice latte, and while there is no shame in ordering it, he made Jaehyun go get him a refill when he was done with his first.

Jaehyun is snug in the cushion seat beside Yuta, thighs, elbows, arms touching. A photo editing software is open on his laptop, a scenic picture of the sunset from when they went to the beach together last weekend covering most of the screen.

Yuta’s lost count of how many dates they’d been on, but each one was as memorable as the last; Jaehyun had an assignment that required him to photograph the sun at odd hours of the day, and Yuta’d agreed to spend the Saturday lying in the sun while Jaehyun worked. He wasn’t ready to be met with Jaehyun’s topless body and muscled arms quite so quickly, but his shades helped to hide most the staring he was doing by their blanket.

On top of that, in efforts to save money, Yuta’d packed lunch for them both, and it was straight up the worst thing he’d ever tasted. Turns out that the mayonnaise _might’ve_ been dangerously past its expiration date (he didn’t know who bought it, he just found it in the frdige), but Jaehyun ate it all anyway, ignoring Yuta’s attempts to get him to _stop eating, you’re going to get sick!_ (He didn’t get sick, but he did get mildly nauseous on the bus ride home.)

“My parents are touring Europe,” Jaehyun says easily, reaching for Yuta’s hand, something that’s no longer out of Jaehyun’s comfort zone. He brings their hands up to press a gentle kiss to the back of Yuta’s, “The house will be empty anyway.”

“Europe, huh?” Yuta ignores the way his brain is short-circuiting at Jaehyun’s lips. “When will they be back?”

Jaehyun stifles a yawn, “Two weeks? They’ve already been there for one, so…” Yuta hums, not knowing what else to say, but Jaehyun does well to cover the silence, “Does this mean I can come over tonight?”

“Yeah, _sweets_ , sure you can,” Yuta pecks him quick on the cheek.

“‘Sweets’?” Jaehyun echoes.

“I wanted to try out having nickname for you,” Yuta grins, enjoying the way colour rushes to the highs of Jaehyun’s cheeks, glad that he still had _some_ leverage over Jaehyun. He doesn’t mention that it derived from how sweet Jaehyun was (actions and taste-wise), “Or would you prefer ‘sweetie’, sweets?”

“‘Sweets’ works just fine, _babe_ ,” Jaehyun counters, and Yuta narrows his eyes. “What? You can have a nickname for me, but I can’t have one for you?”

Yuta wrestles his hand away from Jaehyun, hiding a grin behind his arm, “Who are you and what have you done with my nerd of a boyfriend, you imposter!”

“Boyfriend?” Jaehyun parrots, the smile on his face so wide that Yuta stops to smile too.

“Yeah, my _boyfriend_ ,” Yuta challenges, leaning close now. “He has cute dimples and soft lips,” Jaehyun presses his forehead to Yuta’s, brushing their noses together, lips parting open. “And,” Yuta adds with a whisper, “he has a driver’s license, but he doesn’t know how to drive. Can you imagine!”

Jaehyun kisses him then, and Yuta smiles, heart full to the brim. He’s never felt this happy before, never felt this _right_ before. Even with Jaehyun’s constant goof-ups and clumsy self, he was still able to exude serenity when needed, oftentimes acting as an anchor Yuta needed by his side whenever he got too high strung over the littlest things. It took a while to get there, not taking the usual route with Jaehyun, but Yuta realises he just might like his boyfriend far more than he was letting on.

“I’d like to meet your boyfriend one day,” Jaehyun muses after they pull apart, lips pink. “He sounds like a really amazing guy.”

“He is,” Yuta swallows the rock in his throat. It’s the first time it’s not said during sex, not after, not before, and Yuta _knows_ it’s real. It’s going to kill him if Jaehyun didn’t know how big of a part he was starting to play in Yuta’s life. He knows he’s been waiting too long, he’s always waiting too long around Jaehyun, but he can’t wait anymore, he doesn’t care if it’s met with nothing, and it’s a racing certainty that he’s going to say it,

“I love him.”

Yuta thinks his words have frozen time, because Jaehyun looks like he’s barely breathing, hand lax in Yuta’s, “Y – you love him?

“Yeah,” Yuta nods, and he tears his eyes away from Jaehyun when he realises that his boyfriend wasn’t going to say it back. It’s fine, “He doesn’t have to.”

Jaehyun grabs him gently by the elbow, a wordless request to have Yuta look up, but he doesn’t, “What?”

“My boyfriend,” Yuta doesn’t let his thoughts get the better of him. He loves Jaehyun, and he needed to have it out there. “He doesn’t have to say it back just because I did.”

“What if your boyfriend wants to say it back?”

Yuta stills, but he doesn’t hold the position for long because every fibre in his body is alarmingly close to forcing him out of his seat and through the exit. Taking a deep breath, Yuta says, “If he wants to then he should, but he doesn’t have to just because _–_ ”

“I love you, _babe_.”

 

x

 

Yuta remembers the first time things get rough.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, sweets,” Yuta sighs, tugging on a leather jacket. He steps closer to the mirror in his room, ruffling his hair just a little more to get him that tousled look he likes. Turning around, he finds Jaehyun still lying on his bed, a toy pumpkin in his hands, despite Halloween passing over a month ago.

“Where are you guys going?” Jaehyun asks, tossing the pumpkin high in the air, navy sweater riding up as reaches to catch it again.

"A club, I told you,” Yuta says casually. If it were up to Yuta, he wouldn’t be spending his Saturday night at a club when he could be cuddled up with Jaehyun in bed, watching one of Jaehyun’s recommended movies (the boy was a film buff). It was, unfortunately, not up to Yuta tonight, because Doyoung, while going through a rough breakup with his (ex-)girlfriend, has been calling Yuta out to parties for the past few weeks. As close as they are, Yuta figures that he should entertain Doyoung at least once while he was out trying to drown his sorrows.

“Who else is going?” Jaehyun chucks the pumpkin high, catching it with ease. “Other than Doyoung.”

“I don’t know,” Yuta shrugs. He really didn’t. Doyoung had a wide spectrum of friends, most of them unknown to Yuta. “Maybe his videographer friends and his flatmate? Just to drink and hang out.”

“I want to come,” Jaehyun sits up, holding the pumpkin in his lap. Yuta crosses the room in three paces, dropping down to kiss Jaehyun lightly.

“Are you sure?” Yuta cocks his head to the side. He’s never been out at the club with Jaehyun before, assuming it was never a scene Jaehyun liked to be a part of, while Yuta was past that phase in his life now. “We can always meet tomorrow, and – ”

“You don’t want me to come?” Jaehyun puts the pumpkin aside, lifting his arms for a hug, to which Yuta accepts, stepping into the invitation, running his fingers through Jaehyun’s black hair, soft and silky.

Yuta thinks about it for a second, “Frankly, I don’t really care.” At Jaehyun’s look of horror, Yuta laughs, “You can come, if you want, but you don’t have to. It’s a – a different crowd, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable the entire night, yeah? It’s not a big deal.”

Unsatisfied at the explanation, Jaehyun buries his nose into Yuta’s stomach, “Do you like going out? To clubs?”

“Not anymore,” Yuta admits truthfully, pressing a kiss onto Jaehyun's crown. “I like spending time with you instead.”

Grumbling, Jaehyun rises to his feet, earning inches above Yuta, “I want to go tonight. It’ll be my first time.”

“Okay,” Yuta smiles tenderly, tracing a finger over where Jaehyun’s dimples would sink in.

His first time at a club was a _wreck_. He and Doyoung (his assigned buddy) had gotten so drunk that they both barely made it home unharmed, having to call his flatmate out for an SOS. With that in mind, Yuta wasn’t about to let Jaehyun venture off on his own.

If Jaehyun wanted to go, “Then I’m happy I’m going with you.”

 

“You made it!” is what Doyoung says when he bumps into Yuta and Jaehyun by the bar counter an hour and a half past their supposed meet up time. Yuta wanted to stop by Pinkberry to kill time, and Jaehyun didn’t seem to have any objections to it. He knew he was only going out tonight just to talk some sense into Doyoung, and it wouldn’t be of any helped if he arrived while Doyoung was still sober enough to answer back.

“And you’re here too!” Doyoung shrieks (definitely: not sober), pulling Jaehyun into a big hug.

“Relax, Kim,” Yuta tugs Jaehyun away, making his boyfriend stumble back into his arms. He grabs Jaehyun’s hand, ensuring that he wouldn’t be pushed into the crowd. “Where are the rest of your friends?”

“Booth!” Doyoung throws back a shot, and Yuta winces. Heartbreak was never pretty. “By the back. Four girls, three guys, can’t miss ‘em.”

“Uh,” Yuta pulls Jaehyun even closer when he sees a rush of people pass by. He plucks the shot glass from Doyoung’s fingers, “How many of these have you had?”

“ _Uh_ ,” Doyoung mimics, rolling his eyes. “Not enough if I’m still standing here talking to you.”

At that, Doyoung dives back onto the dance floor, and Yuta is torn between chasing after him or leaving Jaehyun alone by the bar to fend for himself. He decides that the latter would be worse; as handsome as Jaehyun was, and as much as Yuta loved how Jaehyun looked in them, his slacks and sweater made him stick out like a sore thumb at the club.

Turning to tell Jaehyun to keep close, a man twice his age and _way_ too overconfident comes sauntering up to Yuta, two cranberry vodkas in hand,

“Hey there, pretty – ”

“ _Hello_ ,” Yuta snaps, forcing enough venom in the stretch of two syllables, lifting Jaehyun’s hands with his. “Taken, you _blind_ bat.”

Unfazed, he yanks Jaehyun close, weaving through the crowd to where Doyoung’d pointed from before. Getting hit on at clubs was fun and all when he was single and freeloading, but getting hit on with Jaehyun standing right next to him made him feel terrible. It wasn’t something he’d thought to think about before letting Jaehyun come along, but he hopes his big nerd of a boyfriend was smart enough to take the hits with the upper hand, because Yuta’s sure it’s not going to be the last time someone approaches him tonight.

Concentrating on more important things, he keeps a lookout for Doyoung’s flatmate. Yuta’s only seen him once or twice in passing, but he remembers easily when he sees the six-foot giant and his good-natured smile, waving them over, the screen of his phone acting like a red flare.

“Yuta, right?” He says when they step into the dark corner, music dulling out just the slightest. He saves them both the embarrassment when he sticks his hand out, “I’m Youngho. We’ve met a couple of times?”

“Yeah, hey,” Yuta shakes his hand, planting Jaehyun down firmly on the plush seats. “This is my boyfriend, Jaehyun.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jaehyun says politely, still holding onto Yuta’s hand like a little child. Something stirs his sixth sense, and he leans down to press long kiss to Jaehyun’s lips, making sure everyone that was watching knew their place. It was stupidly over possessive, but Yuta didn’t care, not when he was going to have to leave Jaehyun alone to drag Doyoung from the depths of hell.

“Want a drink?” Youngho asks, already looking out for someone he could call over. It’s quick, maybe because he’s so tall, and a girl comes by, expression expectant.

“Just two glasses of Coke,” Yuta orders.

“Is that all?” Youngho stops her from leaving. “Doyoung’s got a tab open, says he got paid big today.”

While the thought of wringing Doyoung’s wallet dry is _extremely_ tempting, Yuta didn’t want Jaehyun drinking and, in all honesty, he wasn’t in the mood for it either, “It’s alright, we’re good with just the Cokes.”

Nodding understandingly, Youngho turns around to ask the others for their orders instead.

“I thought you wanted to drink tonight,” Jaehyun asks, pulling Yuta until his knee hits the bench.

“Not really,” Yuta shrugs, looking over his shoulder in hopes of spotting the familiar bob of Doyoung’s purple hair. “I just wanted to make sure Doyoung doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning tonight.”

“I tried to get him to sit down earlier,” Youngho interjects, done with their orders and having overheard the conversation. “But he took off again the moment I turned away.”

Yuta is aware of the struggles of keeping Drunk Doyoung seated, so he nods solemnly.

“He’s taking it pretty hard,” Youngho unlocks his phone before locking it again. Yuta can’t recall if Doyoung ever mentioned his flatmate’s relationship status, but he seemed to check in with someone a lot. “But I’m glad she’s gone, honestly, good riddance.”

“They dated for two _years_.” Yuta says flatly. “I’d be surprised if he wasn’t taking it hard.”

“You didn’t you like her?” Jaehyun pipes up, looking at Youngho. Yuta feels oddly like a proud mother at a preschool, heart swelling when she sees her child conversing with other pre-schoolers. In this case, the other pre-schooler has a beer in his hand and a double major in business communications and marketing under his belt, but same difference.

“She was just getting to be too much,” Youngho shudders, jovial expression morphing into one of disgust. “Around the apartment all the time, leaving her crap everywhere, complaining whenever Doyoung so much as _breathed_ the same air as any other person minutely interested in him.” He takes a swig from his drink, “I’m just glad Doyoung’s free from all that, frankly speaking..”

“She wasn’t all that bad at first,” Yuta sniffs, having met her on multiple occasions. “I think it just got worse towards the end.” ( _Because she could feel him slipping away._ It was just something he noticed, not something to be mentioned.)

“Maybe you should introduce him to someone?” Jaehyun suggests, looking back up at Yuta.

“No, you big doof,” Yuta shakes his head, squeezing Jaehyun’s hand. “He needs to get a rebound off his chest first before finding someone serious, if he even wants that ever again.”

Youngho makes an agreeable hum, “Maybe he’ll find someone this time next year, I mean, you never know, right?”

“Well,” Yuta sighs. “Right now, I’m going to have to go out there to find him, so – ”

“I’ll come with you,” Jaehyun says immediately, getting up, only to sit again when Yuta pushes him down by the shoulder.

“I’ll be fine, sweets,” Yuta insists. It’d be much easier to navigate the club while knowing Jaehyun was safely in the booth, with company that can be trusted that much (he hopes). He didn’t want Jaehyun wandering off while he was busy looking out for Doyoung either, “Wait here for me, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

As he turns to leave, not at all entertaining Jaehyun’s objections, he hears Youngho exclaim, “So, Jaehyun, what’re you majoring in?”

 

It takes far longer than expected. Yuta doesn’t know how long it’s been, but he knows he’s _done._ The pounding music and bodies slicked with sweat has Yuta craving his bed and a pair of pants that weren’t skinny jeans, pinching his skin whenever he moved.

He doesn’t find Doyoung on the dance floor despite looking a hundred times over. He doesn’t find Doyoung in the bathroom pissed drunk and passed out. He doesn’t find him by the bar, drinking away. Impatience grows thick in him, mind still revolving around the fact that Jaehyun is alone (well, not completely) by the booth, while he was out searching high and low for his mess of a friend.

Where he _does_ find Doyoung is sandwiched between two girls, and as much as he’s glad to have found him, it’s not a sight Yuta would like to ever see again. Shaking off yet _another_ person coming up to offer him a drink, Yuta yanks Doyoung by the back of his jacket, refusing to concern himself with how Doyoung’s dance partners are cursing him loudly as he drags the boy away.

Drunk Doyoung, while noisy, isn’t hard to transport. He’s kneeing his best friend in the ass to sit down by the time they’re back in the booth, the latter groaning in pain.

And it’s not a heartbeat later that Yuta realises Jaehyun isn’t where he left him.

Panic.

“Where is my _boyfriend_?” He says vehemently, trying his best not to let his voice go any louder, trying his best not to take Youngho by the neck and strangle him for letting Jaehyun out of sight. _It’s not his fault, he doesn’t know it’s Jaehyun’s first time in a club. He’s fine._

“Oh. He was talking to Hayoung and Yerin before he left. You didn’t see him?” Youngho is tucking his phone away. “He went out there to look for you, like, twenty minutes ago.”

“Twenty minutes?” Yuta echoes. Was he really gone for that long? A prickle shoots up his arms. This is precisely _why_ Yuta didn’t want Jaehyun going around with him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the boy or that he wasn’t old enough to care for himself. He was just fearful.

Jaehyun was slacks and button-ups. Yuta didn’t want him tainted with skinny jeans and leather jackets.

“Yeah,” Youngho grunts, turning Doyoung over so that he wouldn’t suffocate with his face in the seat. “It was like, what? Fifteen minutes after you left?”

“Did you let him drink?” Yuta interrogates, but thankfully, Youngho is too busy with Doyoung to analyse the condescension in his tone.

“Er,” Youngho catches Doyoung before he slides off the bench, cursing loudly when Doyoung’s arms flail around, starting to stir. “I didn’t see him have anything but the Coke you ordered.”

Astounded by the lack of help Youngho was giving him, Yuta turns on his heels to repeat the process all over again.

He doesn’t find Jaehyun on the dance floor, frantically looking over the mass of sweaty bodies. He doesn’t find Jaehyun in the bathroom either. Bile is threatening to rise in his throat when he leaves the dim hallway, hightailing towards the bar.

With adrenaline coursing through, his boyfriend isn’t hard to spot, perched precariously on a bar stool, black hair nearly blending into the scene. It isn’t difficult to spot the shot glass in Jaehyun’s hand either. Or the girl on his arm. Or the redness in his cheeks.

Anger trumps concern in that moment. Yuta isn’t thinking straight when he takes the glass from Jaehyun’s hands, slamming it roughly on the table.

“Yuta!” Jaehyun all but squeals, clearly running on a high, excitement on his face. Yuta’s blood boils at the thought of Jaehyun accepting drinks from strangers, at the risk it could’ve been _spiked_. The flush on his face is a tell-tale sign that it couldn’t have been just _one_ drink. What if Yuta was too late? What if he didn’t find Jaehyun before some idiot dragged him out the door with a promise of cool water and fresh air? What if Jaehyun woke the next day, angry that Yuta left him to fend for himself?

“Who’s this, Jaehyun?” This girl, _oh_ , this _girl_. Yuta doesn’t want to remember anything about her.

“Let’s go, _now_ ,” Yuta is calm, but the grip he has on Jaehyun’s forearm has never been tighter.

“This is my boyfriend,” Jaehyun says giddily, sliding off the bar stool. He’s unsteady on his feet, and Yuta smells the alcohol when Jaehyun tries to lean in for a kiss, dodging on reflex. “This is my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to kiss me.”

“He doesn’t sound like the good boyfriend then, does he?” _Don’t hit her, do_ not _hit her, Yuta, she’s drunk too._

Jaehyun frowns, “No.” And for a moment, Yuta’s heart drops, “He’s the best.” Jaehyun sighs, smiling again, “I love him.” Yuta nearly collapses in relief despite the situation, and he would’ve, if it weren’t for Jaehyun turning to the girl, snorting a laugh, “What did you say your name was again?”

Before she can respond, Yuta is hauling Jaehyun away by the collar, and back out onto the street. There are several people loitering around, and Yuta makes sure to steer his boyfriend away from the puffs of smoke they were hell-bent on infecting everyone with.

“Come on,” Yuta just wants to go home. It’s just too much to handle in one night, and he just wants to make sure Jaehyun is safe, “Let’s get you back.”

“No, no, no,” Jaehyun hiccups, pulling Yuta back towards the club. “I can stay, I can – ”

“You’re not doing anything!” Yuta fumes, holding Jaehyun still. He recoils at the venom, noticeably calmer now, but Yuta lets the fear of losing Jaehyun so effortlessly take over, “I’m sending you back to your _dorm_! You obviously have no idea how to take care of yourself in a place like this, and I can’t be watching over you while taking care of Doyoung too, so you need to go home, Jaehyun.”

This was far from their first fight. They’ve had silly arguments about how to make grilled cheese (Jaehyun was right) or how to properly fix up the television stand that Yuta’s housemates had bought (Yuta was right) or who was going to win on the latest season of The Voice (they were both wrong).

Most of them ended up with Jaehyun caving, apologising first, quiet and relenting, no matter the situation. Only then would Yuta admit his wrongs, but he was never the one taking the initiative. Stubbornness aside, he just couldn’t see any fault in his actions. He was angry that Jaehyun had gotten up and left, angry that Jaehyun didn’t think about how much it would worry him, angry that Jaehyun didn’t realise how much it would _scare_ him.

It wasn’t in his character to make the first move, and he wasn’t going to start now, not when he explicitly told Jaehyun to _stay put_.

Jaehyun is immobile, feet rooted to the spot, head hanging low, even as Yuta angrily orders an Uber, keying in Jaehyun’s dorm as its end destination. It’s a quiet seven minutes, peals of laughter ricocheting off the otherwise empty streets. Several drunkards try to approach Jaehyun, but Yuta’s top-grade sneer is enough to send them stumbling away.

Yuta spots the assigned red Honda Civic driving slow, and he flags it down, letting it pull up next to the curb in front of them. Silently, he opens the door to the backseat for Jaehyun, telling the driver to, _Please make sure he gets into the building safe._

“Get in the car,” Yuta sighs, frowning when his boyfriend holds his ground.

Again, firmly, “Get in the car, Jaehyun.”

Dragging his feet, Jaehyun pauses by the door, expression unreadable, mumbling intoxicatedly, “Is it because I’m embarrassing?”

 _What?_ Yuta sighs, he’s too strung out to even _try_ and decipher it, “Just get in the car, Jaehyun.”

 

x

 

Yuta remembers their first break.

Jaehyun doesn’t text him the morning after.

He’d expected to hear from Jaehyun by the second day of their cold war. This was new. It was starting to get under his skin that he hasn’t seen anything on any of Jaehyun’s social medias, hadn’t run into Jaehyun at Jenny’s or their usual dinner place, hadn’t gone crazy enough to track the boy down in the middle of classes.

By the fourth day of radio silence, Yuta’s _dying_ to see Jaehyun again. Maybe apologise for overreacting, maybe defend himself by reasoning that he just couldn’t help but be worried. The anger mixed fear is no longer clouding his judgement, and he wanted to tell Jaehyun that he was sorry for sending the boy away without any accompany, sorry that he left him alone, sorry that he got so caught up trying to keep everything under control.

The silence is too long, too agonizing. He’s made the final decision to sought Jaehyun out over by the arts’ building when his phone buzzes, thrice in succession,

 

4DEC [14:43] **doyoung** : there’s a surprise for you  
4DEC [14:43] **doyoung** : at jenny’s  
4DEC [14:43] **doyoung** : re: jaehyun

 

_Jaehyun?_

Yuta stops the thought right there. If it was a surprise, it should be something positive, right? There was nothing to worry about, everything was going to be just fine. Though, despite the pep talk, Yuta is still nervous when he steps into Jenny’s, eyes darting around for his boyfriend, who was nowhere in sight. Doyoung, on the other hand _is_ there, waving him over lazily.

“Where’s Jaehyun?” Yuta speaks first.

“Wow, okay,” Doyoung feigns offense. “Hello to you too, best friend.”

“Come off it,” Yuta feels his patience wear thin quick. _Where is Jaehyun?_ “Don’t act as if I didn’t send both you _and_ your flatmate back to your apartment some nights ago.”

Doyoung sniffs primly, “It was a rough night.”

Yuta couldn’t agree more, “Where’s Jaehyun? He hasn’t replied my texts or answered my calls in days.”

“He was preparing a surprise for you,” Doyoung waggles his brows, and it does nothing but cause Yuta’s stomach to lurch.

The bell hanging on the door tinkles faintly.

It’s relief, Yuta’s first emotion, when he sees the familiar pale skin and dimpled cheeks.

The second is confusion. Yuta is completely distracted the moment his boyfriend steps into the café, bringing in a bout of winter air. It’s not pale skin and dimpled cheeks that Yuta’s focused on now, but the platinum _blonde_ that has replaced the black, styled perfect but tousled. It’s not a comfy, woollen sweater and a pair of slacks that’s on Jaehyun either; it’s a leather jacket with a ridiculous number of zips and a pair of ripped jeans that looks too thin for December’s winter, an outfit that’s so familiar to Yuta that it looks as if it’s been stolen right from his very own closet.

Two girls that are vaguely recognizable to Yuta flank him as they approach, wearing matching grins.

And it’s a sight that makes Yuta think he’s living a nightmare.

Twisting back in his seat, he grips Doyoung’s wrist, seething, “ _What_ did you do with my boyfriend!”

Doyoung startles at his ferocity, shaking his head, whispering, “Don’t shoot the messenger, this has nothing to do with me.”

“Hi.”

Yuta’s chair screeches against the floor when he rushes off his seat, inhaling sharply, another bolt of confusion startling him. He’s happy to have Jaehyun standing so close in front of him again, but everything is so _different_. Wanting to hide the displeasure that’s he knows he can’t hide, Yuta throws his hands around Jaehyun’s neck, hugging him tight.

He wishes he didn’t.

The zips are digging into his arms, and Jaehyun doesn’t smell sweet or like burnt toast anymore. He tries to run his hands through Jaehyun’s hair, but the bleaching has made the silky strands thin and weary, the feeling of it rough against Yuta’s fingers.

Yuta knows. He knows, he knows, he _knows_ that looks aren’t everything. He knows that he would still love Jaehyun even if the boy decided to parade around town in a watermelon-printed jumpsuit, but _this_ , this _change_. It doesn’t sit right with Yuta. He didn’t want leather jackets and ripped jeans, he wanted slacks and sweaters and button-ups. He didn’t want anyone else like he ever did before, he didn’t want two month long relationships that never amounted to anything more, he didn’t want the hottest guy with impeccable fashion and amazing hair.

He wanted his big nerd of a boyfriend, Jaehyun.

“You didn’t text me back,” Yuta breathes, and he _hates_ the cologne on Jaehyun. “Why didn’t you text me back?”

“I was busy with all this!” Jaehyun sounds far too delighted, hugging Yuta, arms circling around his waist. “Do you like it?”

 _No, no, no_. He doesn’t have the heart to say it, his reason behind it is so _baseless_ , there was no way Jaehyun would understand. So, he nods.

Again, he wishes he didn’t.

“I told you he’d like it!” The blonde girl squeals, to which the brunette answers,

“I still think we should’ve gone with the red!”

 _Red?_ All Yuta sees _is_ red.

Jerking away, he snaps at the brunette, “Was this your idea? This – this makeover?”

Jaehyun’s hands are on his shoulder immediately, like an anchor trying to hold him stable, like always, “Hey – ”

“No, no,” Yuta can’t _stop_. The ridiculous thoughts he’s been trying to suppress, unleashed in a snap. He was going to lose Jaehyun. He was going to lose Jaehyun like he did with everyone clad in leather jackets and ripped jeans. He was going to lose Jaehyun who he was so sure was the _one_ , the only one in slacks and button-ups that made a comfortable cave seated deep in his heart, the one that started with roses and talking, and the one who was _right_. “Tell me now,” he bristles, taking a step back from this _new_ Jaehyun. “Who did _this_ ,” he motions at Jaehyun’s general direction. “Who decided it was a bright right fucking idea to – to change everything – to do this little _makeover_ and – ”

“Yuta,” Jaehyun steps close. In his moment of panic, Yuta looks up to find solace in Jaehyun’s eyes, but he can’t _find_ it. Why can’t he find it? “I – it was my idea.”

“What?” Yuta blanches. Jaehyun’s touch is so comforting, yet so foreign. “What – why – why would – ”

“I met Hayoung and Yerin at the club the other night, and they major in hair and fashion,” Jaehyun tries to reach out again, but Yuta stumbles back, and he feels Doyoung stand up too, watching the interaction unfold. “I – I asked if they could give help me with how I dressed and – ”

“Why?” Yuta cuts him off. He’s starting to feel a little sick to the gut. “Why did you – ”

“‘Why’?” Jaehyun mirrors. “I did this for _you_ , what do you mean ‘why’?”

Doyoung clears his throat, “Alright, guys, not here, okay, this is getting too – ”

“I can’t do this,” _I can’t breathe_. Yuta can’t think, “I need a break.”

“What?” Jaehyun inhales sharply. And for a second, he thinks the panic on Jaehyun’s face is projecting the fear in his own heart.

Thoughts a blur, Yuta does what he’s wanted to do for the past ten minutes,

pick his bag up and _leave_.

 

Jaehyun doesn’t call him for another four days, and Yuta knows his deserves it. It would’ve been easier if Jaehyun yelled at him that day in Jenny’s, demanding _why_ Yuta wanted to take a break, then maybe he would’ve let loose the countless thoughts in his head, and everything would’ve been clear and out in the open.

Yelling and shouting and getting angry over the smallest things were Yuta’s traits, not Jaehyun’s. His boyfriend was calmer, more collected, and it’s left Yuta in a rut. He didn’t know what to say if he picked the phone up to call either. How was he to explain the sudden of his irrational fears and outlandish sentiments.

Whatever it was, he was banking on shoving everything under the rug when he sees the light at the end of the tunnel,

 

8DEC [21:32] **jaehyun** : can we talk  
8DEC [21:35] **jaehyun** : i’m at your door

 

This was not what he had in mind.

Trudging out of bed, Yuta opens the door without checking the peephole.

Another forest is thrust in his face, bigger than first one he’d received some few months ago.

“Yuta,” Jaehyun’s face is entirely covered by the new bouquet. “Fifteen roses for apologies,” the familiar tone of Jaehyun’s rambling is back (and Yuta misses it so), “I don’t know why you’re angry at me for – for trying to be someone you could proudly stand beside, but – ”

_What?_

“Yeah, okay, _no_ ,” Yuta pushes the flowers away, the urge to look at Jaehyun growing fast within him. It chips the corner of his heart when he sees Jaehyun wearing a beanie, covering most his platinum hair, sweater back on, but his slacks have been replaced with yet another pair of skinny jeans. “You’ve,” he sighs. “I made a – I – just come in,” Yuta steps aside. “You’re letting all the cold air into the house.”

Jaehyun toes his snow-covered shoes off in the small foyer, parka rustling as he follows Yuta towards the kitchen. Silently, he retrieves an empty vase (the same one he used to keep the first bouquet in until the flowers wilted), filling it with water.

“Is no one else home?” Jaehyun asks softly, leaning against the kitchen counter. Yuta lets himself relish in the fact that despite Jaehyun’s appearance, the boy seemed to remain the same, skirting around the edges, giving them both enough time to assess the other.

It makes the guilt pummel deeper in Yuta. Why couldn’t he just trust Jaehyun? He should be trusting Jaehyun to be the way he is no matter what he wears or who he hangs out with. Why was he letting his fears get in the way of things? Something he’s been trying to avoid from happening?

“No,” Yuta turns to rest the vase on the dining table, moving to dig through the pantry for a packet of sugar. His sister once mentioned that adding some sugar into the water for fresh flowers would help it last a tad bit longer. Jaehyun watches him as he tips three quarters of the packet into the vase, picking it up to shake it a little, “They went out for Jiwon’s birthday. An early celebration.”

Jaehyun fidgets, and the brown paper around the flowers crinkle, “You didn’t join them?”

Yuta grimaces, tossing the sugar packet into the trash, “I’m not in the state to be going out.”

Silences passes between them, and Jaehyun stands to unwrap the flowers carefully. With a murmur, he hands it to Yuta, “Here.”

Yuta takes it wordlessly, trying to preoccupy himself with arranging the flowers neatly, rather than focus on the way he can feel the heat emitting off Jaehyun’s tall frame beside him. Once he’s done taking too much time with it, he clears the wrappers and ribbons off the counter.

The air is too tense for it to just be about talking things over, and Yuta knows Jaehyun well enough by now to know that it might be more than just Yuta’s admission of his insane thoughts that was going to be on the table tonight. He knows it’s time for him to speak up; he thinks he’s gotten influenced, catching Jaehyun’s trait of having to be assured that he wasn’t the only one nervous, wasn’t the only one aware of his worries.

Jaehyun watches him as he moves around mutely, whispering only when Yuta is back by his side, shifting to pick the vase up,

“Please tell me what I did wrong.”

It’s _heart-breaking_. It’s not Jaehyun’s fault. It’s entirely Yuta’s.

“Jaehyun…” Yuta exhales lowly, incapable of stringing his foolish thoughts into words. If Jaehyun could just give him a mere moment more to have everything put together, maybe he could properly put across his thoughts, and –

“ – break up,” Jaehyun’s voice is hoarse and it’s barely louder than a sigh, but Yuta jumps at the words.

“ _What?_ ” He feels his chest itch, and a stomp to his heart. _You want to break up?_

Before the crack can tear his heart apart completely,

“I – I – I don’t want to break up,” Jaehyun repeats, louder this time, straightening up, lips in a hard line. It doesn’t match the over-bright shine in his eyes. “I don’t want to break up. Please – at the very _least_ – tell me what I did wrong,” he’s starting to babble, “I won’t do it again, I’ll try to be better, I just don’t want to break up, Yuta, I – ”

“Stop, wait,” Yuta waves his hands between them, effectively cutting Jaehyun off. “Why do you keep saying that? Who said anything about breaking up?”

Jaehyun stares at him, unmoving, “You did?”

Yuta blinks twice, and Jaehyun frowns, “When did I say I wanted to break up?”

“At Jenny’s,” Jaehyun is barely subdued. “You said you wanted to break up.”

“Uh, I didn’t say that,” Yuta shakes his head slowly, squinting. “I said I wanted to _take_ a break, not break _up_ , Jaehyun.”

Jerking away, Jaehyun’s eyes widen in daze, and he’s staring so hard into the ground that Yuta thinks it’s going to crumble under the sheer intensity of it, “B – but you said – when you saw me and my hair and – you – ”

“I’m – ” Yuta grabs Jaehyun’s wrist, tugging on his arm, trying to get him to look up. “I’m not going to break up with you just because you _dyed_ your hair, you big doof.” The words articulated makes Yuta astound even himself, because it was _true_. He wasn’t just about to end things because Jaehyun was sporting blonde hair and a brand-new closet. How could he even _think_ that way when –

“Why do you always call me that?” Jaehyun’s brows knit together, jaw set tight again. Yuta keeps mum, waiting for the explanation because what is Jaehyun even asking? “Calling me a – a doof and a nerd in front of your friends. I – I don’t like it.”

Yuta blanks. “What? Why not?”

Jaehyun looks embarrassed, “I – you know – it’s nothing.” Yuta is on his heels when Jaehyun twists his arm away, stalking into the living room. His parka is still on, and it creases when he sinks into the couch, face beet red. Yuta sits a little further than he’s used too (sidled up to Jaehyun’s side), hoping to give his boyfriend some space.

“Jae…” Yuta starts, but Jaehyun beats him to it,

“It makes me feel like I’m not good enough to be around you.”

It _stings_ when the words register in Yuta’s mind. Those words have always been used as a terms of endearment, of affection. Jaehyun should’ve known that. Swallowing thickly, he tries again, “Jaehyun, _why_ would you think that?”

“Don’t you see that we’re different?” Jaehyun mutters, fingers moving to fiddle with the stitching on his beanie. Yuta’s gut literally disintegrates to dust. “I didn’t care at first, but – I just – when I saw you at the club, with everyone else around, I thought I didn’t look like someone you should date, and I – ”

“Sweets,” Yuta inches forward, stretching out a hand, hoping Jaehyun would unfold his arms to take it. When he does, Yuta scoots closer, kissing Jaehyun gently on the side of his lips. A lie, “I don’t care how you dress.”

Jaehyun is smart, “Then why did you get so mad when you saw me?”

Yuta groans, swaying forward to bump his head against Jaehyun’s shoulder. He waits for Jaehyun to move away, admitting when he doesn’t, “Okay, fine, I _do_ care – ”

“See,” Jaehyun starts to pull away, and Yuta can’t have that happen again, letting go of Jaehyun’s hands to fling his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, already half on his knees.

“No, wait, listen to me,” Yuta hooks his chin on Jaehyun’s shoulder, trying not to let his motivation to get things clear be hindered by the fact that Jaehyun didn’t move to hug him back. “I only cared because I didn’t want you to change, Jae. I don’t _need_ you to – to dress like how I dressed. I like – no, I _love_ it that you’re a big nerd, don’t you get it?”

Jaehyun wriggles, but Yuta doesn’t loosen his hold, because he can feel Jaehyun’s heartbeat against his own chest, “You like it better when I’m a nerd?”

“I like you all the time.” Then, “No, I _love_ you all the time, Jaehyun. I just – I just didn’t expect you to do a one-eighty like that.”

“You didn’t like it?” Jaehyun asks, sounding sincerely disappointed, hands still persistently glued to the couch.

Yuta’s had enough. If they were going to get through this, he was going to have to be honest.

“No,” he sits back on his heels, looking Jaehyun in the eyes, momentarily stunned by the sheer sadness he can see. “I don’t like it, Jaehyun.” He lifts a hand to keep Jaehyun from interrupting, “But it’s got nothing to do with you, I – ”

“How – ”

“Will you please let me explain myself?” Yuta pinches him lightly on the nape, continuing only when Jaehyun nods. “I’ll admit, I’ve my fair share of flings, and they all looked nothing like you, Jae,” he sighs, looking down at his knees. “I don’t want you looking like them, because none of them ever lasted. They never meant anything, and I don’t want that when it comes to you.” Letting his arms fall to his lap, Yuta feels himself deflate. “I want so badly for things to go well with you, Jaehyun, I just – when I saw you then, I didn’t know what – I didn’t – it's – ”

“Okay,” Jaehyun nods, saving him the pain, _finally_ taking Yuta by the hands, dragging him closer until he was fully resting his weight on Jaehyun’s lap. “Okay, I’ll be whatever you want. A nerd or a doof or whatever, I don’t _care_. I just want you.”

With Jaehyun’s hands curling around his waist where they belong, Yuta relaxes, soaking himself in Jaehyun, no longer reeking of cheap cologne. He smelled just like he did when he wore slacks and button-ups, felt and touched the same too. It dawns on Yuta, only then, that it wasn’t about Jaehyun dressing at all; it was about Jaehyun himself being so distinctly _right_.

“Did you dye your hair for me?” Yuta asks, even though he already knew the answer, burying his nose into the crook of Jaehyun’s neck, inhaling deeply.

“I can dye it back to black if you don’t like it,” Jaehyun’s hand is resting comfortingly on the small of Yuta’s back.

Instead of answering, Yuta tilts away enough to tug the beanie off Jaehyun’s head. He hears the abrupt breath Jaehyun takes as he studies the light-coloured hair, gingerly reaching forward to run his fingers through them. It’s still finer than before, having stripped of its colour during the bleaching process, but Yuta’s done thinking about the past.

“No,” he murmurs, admiring the way the hair falls over Jaehyun’s brows, just like they did when it was black. “You should keep it, if you like it. I don’t care either. I just want you too, sweets.”

“Are you sure? I can – ”

Yuta kisses him to shut him up, over with apologising and worrying over things that never mattered in the first place, not when they were so clearly in love. Jaehyun returns the kiss readily, nibbling on Yuta’s lower lip. When Yuta ends the kiss to take a breather, Jaehyun chases longingly, pecking him a last time before resting his head back on the couch.

“Just to be clear,” Yuta pauses, making sure Jaehyun’s paying attention to the words he’s saying and not focusing on just his lips. “You don’t have to change anything about yourself, okay?” He waits again for Jaehyun to nod, “I love you for you, I don’t care what other people think. I’ve always only cared about you, so don’t think you’re not enough or that you have to _try_ , because you’ve already got me.”

“Yuta…” The corners of his lips are pulled into a small smile. Jaehyun sniffles noisily.

“I’m just – ” He didn’t know when the worry grew to be so serious, “I’m always worried you might slip away,” Yuta bites on his lip, watching as Jaehyun’s smile starts to flatten, teetering the edge of turning into a frown. “And it’s not that I don’t trust you, sweets, I do, I really, really do,” he takes a deep breath, “I just – I feel like I can’t think straight when I’m around you.”

At that call of déjà vu, Jaehyun’s smile is back and he’s _glowing_ , “Okay, tell me what I can do to help.”

Yuta knows this is all him. He’s the only one that has to get over his baseless fears. Pressing his cheek back to Jaehyun’s chest, he requests, “Be patient with me if I get angry.”

He doesn’t foresee Jaehyun laughing, “I do that all the time around you already. Anything else?”

The stress of the argument starts to fade at the sound of Jaehyun’s gawky chuckle, and Yuta uses it to alleviate the pressure in the air, “Don’t ever eat anything I cook again.” Yuta recalls the time he added sugar to Jaehyun’s mushroom risotto, ten minutes before he served it to Yuta’s housemates, “Don’t let me help when you’re cooking either.”

“I can do that,” Jaehyun laughs, and Yuta feels the vibrations thrum to his core, sighing in satisfaction at the warmth that surges through him. “And, if it makes you feel any better,” Jaehyun presses a kiss to Yuta’s hair, overly loving. “You can call me nerd or doof or whatever you want.”

“I won’t if you don’t like it,” Yuta levels quietly, running his finger along the bumps of Jaehyun’s sweater, comfy.

Jaehyun seems to mull over it a moment, “If it means that I’m _your_ nerd, I think I’d be down with that.”

Sitting up, Yuta narrows his eyes, and he can’t help but smile, “You really are a big nerd, aren’t you?”

With a swift kiss, Jaehyun grins, “Yes, I love you too.”

 

x

 

Yuta remembers their first time.

It happens a week and a half after their first break (not _break up_ ), and it happens after dinner.

Some people might say that these things shouldn’t be planned. That it should be left to fate to decide when what should, could, and would happen. That meticulousness and calculations could never beat fate and destiny.

Yuta, however, is not one of those people.

The past week has been excruciating. While the fight managed to lift the tension between them, it also left behind some unanswered questions. Yuta’s realised he could no longer try let things run its course, not when he’s so painfully aware that Jaehyun is torn between making the first move and making sure everything between them goes smoothly. They’ve been together six months, and it’s the longest Yuta’s been in a relationship without sex, without more than just words and kisses. He’s obviously ready for more, obviously _waiting_ for more, and he knows Jaehyun’s the same too.

Jaehyun doesn’t push. But he kisses harder now, hands bravely wandering Yuta’s chest and torso under his shirts, sometimes even close to Yuta’s thighs, brushing his hands along the inner lining of Yuta’s jeans. The crave is evident, and Yuta feels it deep in his gut when Jaehyun bites down hard on his neck, but he’s always sure to pull away when things get too heavy, always sure to excuse himself and leave. Yuta’s been left spotting a boner alone in the living room far too many times to be patient.

Jaehyun wasn’t going to take the reign any time soon, and Yuta wasn’t going to let things go awry between them just because they were still going around the bush.

                 

“Babe! Time for presents!” Jaehyun’s voice rings loud in the empty house.

The rest of Yuta’s housemates are out on a drinking binge (thank you, father Christmas), and Yuta would be damned not to take the chance. Adjusting the ugly oversized Christmas sweater Jaehyun had bought him, Yuta stares at himself in the mirror and he decides that a pair of sweats weren’t going to get him anywhere tonight, no matter how glossed his lips are. Shedding the sweats, he grazes out into the living room in just the sweater and Christmas-patterned boxer briefs. It’s a little cold and the sweater is starting to itch, but Yuta knows it won’t be for long.

“Come over – ” Jaehyun’s request dies in his throat when Yuta slinks into view, smiling _the_ smile, the one he knows _works_. Blubbering, Jaehyun swings by the badly decorated tree by the corner of the living room, scooping up the large box he’d entered the house with, complete with a magnificent bow stuck to the top. “It’s – it’s, uh, time for presents.”

“Okay,” Yuta grins, padding over to Jaehyun, revelling in the way Jaehyun’s breath hitches when he sits on the sofa, legs bare and out in the open, boxer briefs tight over the lining of his dick. “I’ll open yours first.”

Jaehyun nods jerkily, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He thrusts the present into Yuta’s hands (this needs to stop before Jaehyun poked his eye out), and the edges of the ribbon tickles Yuta’s cheeks. Resting the gift on his lap, he glances up to find Jaehyun still standing, hands gripping onto the hem of his own ugly Christmas sweater.

“Aren’t you going to sit next to me, sweets?” Yuta pats the leather couch, shifting so that he had one leg on and the other dangling off.

“Okay,” Jaehyun murmurs, hesitantly taking the seat, several inches too far for Yuta’s liking. He fixes that immediately, scooting over until his knee bumps into Jaehyun’s. Ignoring the way Jaehyun flinches, Yuta focuses on the gift in front of him, tearing through the wrapping paper without much care.

It’s a box of gifts. The biggest thing in the box is a panda plush toy, and Yuta picks it up first, noticing the little ‘WWF’ tag still clipped on its ear.

“I, uh,” Jaehyun speaks up then, and Yuta looks up from studying the plush, already smiling. “Doyoung told me you were sending money to charities for pandas, so I thought you liked them, so I got you this, and so – ”

“I love it, Jae, thank you,” Yuta tilts the box away to kiss Jaehyun, chaste, taking note of the way Jaehyun followed on instinct. He remembers mentioning it in passing, but Doyoung seems to retain more than he thought, even while neck deep in assignments.

With a laugh, he goes through the rest of the assortment of gifts; a few soccer jerseys from Yuta’s favourite clubs, a box of Yuta’s favourite pens (the one he used on notes and midterms), and three pairs of socks with various 8-bit versions of Yuta’s favourite animated characters. The gifts were purely catered to Yuta, and the intention of it clear, and it’s takes Yuta a lot of willpower and self-restraint not to jump on Jaehyun immediately.

“Do you like it?” Jaehyun asks as Yuta holds the jerseys up, measuring them from shoulder to shoulder (they fit perfectly). “I know it’s nothing much, but I just thought – ”

“I love it, Jae,” Yuta tucks the gifts back into the box, leaving it on the coffee table. Giving enough time for Jaehyun to pull away, Yuta crawls into his lap then, kissing him again. “I love you.”

Jaehyun’s hands are on Yuta’s waist, a small smile on his lips, “I love you too.”

With renewed vigour, he caresses Jaehyun’s cheek, kissing him a little harder. Jaehyun holds him steady as Yuta digs his knees into the couch, pressing himself flush against his boyfriend. Yuta moans, making his objectives clear, and he’s vindicated when Jaehyun groans in response, lips parting to let Yuta in. Eager, Yuta alternates between licks and making a show of sucking on Jaehyun’s tongue, hot in his mouth. Jaehyun’s fingers are already greedy, digging in at his waist.

Testing waters, Yuta grinds up against Jaehyun, exhaling into Jaehyun’s mouth as pleasure courses through him. He waits for Jaehyun to make the next move, but he doesn’t slow on the kisses, too busy chasing his own desires. When Jaehyun does buck up and their crotches slide together, Yuta makes sure to reward him with a loud whine, panting against Jaehyun’s lips. Invigorated, Jaehyun’s hips slam up against Yuta’s, eliciting a cry of satisfaction from his boyfriend.

It’s easy play after that. Yuta pushes Jaehyun down on his back, grinding hard against him, pulling moans and whimpers from the blonde. He nudges Jaehyun’s sweater up, intending to only gain access to Jaehyun’s chest, but Jaehyun pulls away to remove it entirely, stilling the friction between their hips. It’s not a loss, because Yuta is licking his lips, hands immediately on new territory, brazenly marvelling at the sight before him.

Under Jaehyun’s watch, he brushes the tips of his fingers against the Jaehyun’s nipples, grinning wildly when his back arches off the couch, hiding his moans under a hand. Determined to get more, Yuta latches his lips onto Jaehyun, flicking his tongue against the nub, rutting back down at the same time, earning himself a blissful cry from the boy under him.

He works Jaehyun until he’s hard and wet in his own briefs, and Jaehyun’s the same, slacks pulled tight over the bulge of his dick.

“Y – Yuta, _please_ ,” Jaehyun near whimpers, hands coiled tight around Yuta’s arms.

Pulling away with a _pop!_ , Yuta slows his hips, “Ready?”

It’s vague, but Jaehyun doesn’t flinch this time, “Ready.”

“Good,” Yuta kisses him quickly before climbing off the couch, taking Jaehyun’s hand in his. “I think I was starting to lose feeling in my legs.”

Accepting the attempt to keep things light, Jaehyun laughs, following Yuta into his bedroom, where two candles are already lighted, the smell of vanilla bean wafting through the air. While Yuta wanted to admire all of Jaehyun, he figures that their first time would be more comfortable under dim light, and that he could hold a magnifying glass to Jaehyun’s chest during their next. It’s a lot of thought that’s gone into it, and Yuta can only hope that Jaehyun feels good too.

The wish for everything to pull through without a hitch is high on Yuta’s list.

Once the door is shut, Jaehyun wastes no time in sliding his hands under Yuta’s sweater, and Yuta lifts his arms compliantly, letting out a short sigh of relief when he’s freed of the itching material. He helps Jaehyun out of his pants and Jaehyun crowds him until they flop back onto the bed together, a mess of giggles. Yuta slips under the covers, holding it out for Jaehyun to join him, and he does, sliding between Yuta’s legs, chest to chest, holding their bodies close.

Yuta can only make out the soft glow of Jaehyun’s features under the dim candlelight, but he doesn’t need to see it to feel Jaehyun’s heart hammering against his chest, a match to his own. They kiss slow, and it feels like it’s going on for hours. He has his grip on the comforter over Jaehyun’s shoulders, and Jaehyun has his hands roaming lazily. When he feels Jaehyun brush against his thighs again, ever so often, Yuta’s urge for more is justifiably fuelled.

A bold question, whispered into the dark, “Do you want to prep me, or do you want to watch me prep myself?”  

Jaehyun blinks, but he doesn’t back away. It makes Yuta shiver, “I want to touch you.”

Being the pitcher or catcher was never quite a concern for Yuta (he’s had experience on both parts), but then again, it’s Jaehyun, and it’s different, and he fathoms that they could always switch during the next round. For their first, Yuta wants to have Jaehyun in him.

Inching away, he gropes blindly for the bottle of lube and condom he’d prepared (yes), handing them to Jaehyun under the covers. Setting them aside, Jaehyun manoeuvres his boxers out of the way, tossing them to the ground, and a shiver of anticipation rolls up Yuta’s spine.

“Have you done this before?” Yuta asks kindly, brushing Jaehyun’s blonde hair out of his eyes, a pang of guilt hitting him when he silently wishes it was black instead. It’s no longer a concern when Jaehyun answers with an uneven nod,

“But not like this.”

Yuta watches as Jaehyun uncaps the lube, and he starts to spread his legs, automatic, “Hmm?”

“I haven’t with – not – ” Jaehyun stumbles over his words, focused on coating just enough on two of his fingers. “It’s the first time with – with someone I love. Like this. Like you.”

Yuta’s feels his soul leave his body for a split second, before it’s plunged back into him, knocking the wind out of his lungs.

“Am I different?” Yuta asks, not wanting to leave it for when they were far too absorbed in anything to speak coherently. “Am I different from – from the others you’ve dated?”

He doesn’t expect Jaehyun to grin, and the sight is made surreal with his lube-coated fingers and a heavy comforter over his shoulders. Careful not to knee the bottle of lubricant, Jaehyun presses a kiss to Yuta’s lips, echoing Yuta’s own words, “I’ve never dated anyone like you.”

Trust Jaehyun to be making jokes when they’re a minute away from fucking, but Yuta thinks he wouldn’t have anyone else here with him. This is what he wanted. Light-hearted, yet serious when needed, sweet and goofy, yet grounded, two sides of a single coin that is Jaehyun, “You’re a big doof, did you know that?”

“Yes,” Jaehyun kisses him again, tongue and teeth clacking against Yuta’s, reigniting the flame between them. “But I’m _your_ big doof.”

“Yeah,” Yuta sighs, trying his best not to roll his eyes. “Yeah, you are.”

After another kiss, Jaehyun is reaching for the elastic snug on Yuta’s hips, “Can I…?”

Yuta nods, letting Jaehyun pull his briefs off. It’s hot and heavy under the blanket, and he moans in foresight when Jaehyun ducks under it. He expects it, but he still jolts, back curving off the bed when Jaehyun’s lips close around Yuta’s dick, wet and _good_. Jaehyun works to lick him hard, and Yuta spreads his legs, reaching down to guide Jaehyun’s hand to his entrance.

He gasps when he feels Jaehyun’s fingers rub against him, the cold sensation of more lube clinging to his inner thighs. Jaehyun waits until Yuta is dying to be entered, jerking his hips down to meet with Jaehyun’s fingers. He wishes so hard to be able to see Jaehyun’s tongue on him, fingers crooking and curving in him, but he doesn’t want to break the spell by pushing the blanket away. Closing his eyes, he sighs, letting the pleasure outdo pain, letting Jaehyun work him to three fingers, so much until it’s not anymore.

“Sweets,” he whispers, loud enough for Jaehyun to emerge from under the comforter, and it’s an action so innocuous that Yuta has to focus on Jaehyun’s fingers in him before he loses his hard-on. “I’m ready, c’mon.”

Jaehyun nods, pulling his fingers out slowly after one last push. Propping himself up on an elbow, Yuta tears the foil of the condom, motioning for Jaehyun to come closer. Jaehyun adheres, rising to his knees. Slicking his own hands with lube, he strokes Jaehyun for a little longer than actually required, gratified as he watches Jaehyun’s chest rise and fall harder with every twist of his wrist. At Jaehyun’s low groan, Yuta rolls the condom on, leaning up to kiss Jaehyun once before leaning back against the pillows, relaxing.

Going the extra mile, Jaehyun lubes himself up again before pressing the tip to Yuta’s entrance, wet hands on Yuta’s knees, pausing ever so slightly, a silent question. Sinking his heels into the bed, Yuta wipes his hands clean on his sheets before grabbing Jaehyun by the arms, nodding readily.

The initial breach hurts, but not terribly, not when Jaehyun’s prepared him enough. Biting on his lips, Yuta closes his eyes again, breathing in deep and slow as Jaehyun pushes in, the length of his dick following easily. He’s aware that his fingernails are digging hard into Jaehyun, sure to leave marks on his pale skin, but Jaehyun is _still_ moving above him. When he bottoms out, Yuta lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, seeing red and green behind his eyelids. He can hear Jaehyun panting heavily, and he can feel Jaehyun’s fingers clamped tight on his hips now.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks, voice hoarse, leaning down to press a kiss to Yuta’s temple.

A few more breaths are needed before a nod, and, “Keep going.”

Jaehyun moves at a gradual pace, and Yuta feels himself stretch tight. With a squeeze, he urges Jaehyun to get it over and done with, impatient to feel good again. He listens, speeding up minutely, and Yuta reaches to pull Jaehyun close, locking their lips together, carding his hand into Jaehyun’s hair.

“I’m ready, Jae,” Yuta moans, moving his hips to get Jaehyun going. His eyes fly open when Jaehyun rolls against him, and everything is too much, too _good_. Another moan slips through and Jaehyun leans forward to kiss him, swallowing it ardently, thrusting a little bit quicker. Yuta wraps his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, hooking his ankles together to keep Jaehyun close to him. “I’m ready, c’mon.”

Jaehyun latches his lips onto Yuta’s neck, sucking hard, and it shoots a spark of electricity up Yuta’s spine, hips slamming up haphazardly. Taking the hint, Jaehyun bares teeth, biting down on the bit of flesh just under Yuta’s clavicle, extorting a high-pitched whine and successfully curving Yuta’s back so high off the bed, sliding their chests together.

“You taste good,” Jaehyun licks the modest indents he’s made. Yuta’s known for a while now, how much Jaehyun liked to bite (his shoulders, his neck), and Yuta’s prepared for it tonight. “And you feel _so_ good, babe,” he murmurs again, moving just an inch away before he’s sinking his teeth into Yuta’s skin again, shallow enough for it not to hurt, but enough to have Yuta crying out in pleasure.

Jaehyun grinds deep in Yuta, and the sensations are sending him into overdrive.

“ _Please_ , Jaehyun,” Yuta begs, rutting up against Jaehyun’s torso, mewling when it’s met with heavenly friction. He slides his hand to drag Jaehyun down by his nape, whimpering, “I need – _faster_ , Jae, _please_ , I –  _aah_ – ”

With a groan, Jaehyun tucks his head into the pillow, just inches away from the underside of Yuta’s jaw. Angling to bite on the curve of Yuta’s shoulder, the planes of Jaehyun’s stomach rubs hard against Yuta’s dick, smearing Yuta’s precome between them as he speeds up, fucking deeper, faster.

Yuta gasps at the contact, and he pats around the bed for Jaehyun’s free hand, threading their fingers together when he finds it. Jaehyun squeezes once, and Yuta bucks up when Jaehyun wrenches their hands over his head, making his back stretch with pleasure.

With Jaehyun’s mouth on his shoulder, licking and biting, Yuta busies his own by taking the shell of Jaehyun’s ear between his lips, tugging as gently as possible, simply seeking _something_ to do. Jaehyun muffles a groan, and he bites down even harder in retaliation, but it only helps to drive Yuta closer to the edge.

Yuta feels the orgasm creeping up on him, and he releases Jaehyun’s earlobes, heaving, “Are you – Jae – I ”

Jaehyun nods jerkily, thrusting harder than he has of yet until Yuta comes first, body seizing, moaning loudly when he does, and then _again_ when Jaehyun comes with a loud groan in Yuta, warmth under latex. Grabbing Yuta’s hand off his neck, he pushes it over Yuta’s head, holding both their interlaced hands there, slowing his thrusts as he coaxes them from their high.

With his hands above his head, it takes Yuta a little more effort to get Jaehyun’s lips on his, sighing when he finally does manage it, letting Jaehyun lick into his mouth. Yuta lets Jaehyun ride it out in him until it becomes a little too sensitive, breaking their kiss to voice it. He exhales loudly when Jaehyun pulls out slowly, quickly discarding the condom with a tiny knot at the top, tossing it into the tiny rubbish bin by Yuta’s desk.

“Come here,” Yuta sighs, disliking the way his come is splattered on his stomach, but craving Jaehyun’s touch even more so. “Just for a while more,” he says when Jaehyun hovers by the bed, “we can clean up together later.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun assents, crawling back into bed, giving Yuta a kiss, and then taking some more. Scooting down, he leans against Yuta’s chest, careful to keep the comforter away from the slick on them (everything was going to be thrown in the wash either way). “Did this hurt?” Jaehyun asks quietly, running his thumb over the slight marks on Yuta’s shoulder where he’d bitten down.

“No,” Yuta answers truthfully, feeling the tingles and buzz on his skin start to simmer. “You didn’t bite hard, and it felt good,” he brushes the back of his hand against Jaehyun’s forehead, cleaning off the thin sheen of sweat. Jaehyun hums, and they fall into comfortable silence.

Yuta toys with the strands of Jaehyun’s blonde hair again, and he thinks he’s starting to get used to seeing Jaehyun like this, reminding himself to send more compliments Jaehyun’s way. It didn’t come across as scary as it did when he first saw it, and decides that it’s not all bad,

For one, if he ever lost Jaehyun at a club again, it would be like a beacon in the dark, a bright signal that is his big nerd of a boyfriend.

 

(“What do you think I should do for my birthday?” Doyoung asks him several days after, leaning back into his seat, tapping his bony fingers against the coffee table.

“Your birthday isn’t for another month,” Yuta says flatly, watching as Jaehyun lines up the register, ordering a peppermint mocha on his behalf. He’s dressed in a sweater and skinny jeans again today, but Yuta’s only thinking about the dimpled cheeks and bumbling smile.

“I know _that_ ,” Doyoung snorts. “Youngho asked if we should have a joint birthday party, since our birthdays are so close, and throwing _two_ parties at the apartment in the span two weeks is just crazy, right?”

“Good idea,” Yuta says distractedly, grinning to himself when he sees Jaehyun drop his change. _Doof_.

“Could you at least pretend to be listening?” Doyoung tuts, and Yuta turns back in time to catch him rolling his eyes.

“I _am_ pretending,” Yuta drags Jaehyun’s empty chair closer to him for when he came back. “It’s just a birthday party, why’re you overthinking it? Nothing _big_ has ever happened at any of your past birthday parties, I’ll have to remind you, considering how many of those I’ve dutifully attended.”

Doyoung’s response is lost on him when he looks back at Jaehyun, smiling when he sees the boy already staring, breaking out into a matching grin.)

**Author's Note:**

> for the anon on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jenhyung) who wanted yujae, and for two commenters here as well!! i don't know how i feel about this one, but i hope it's decent. let me know if you want to see more from this universe!! ♡
> 
> kudos + comments / criticisms are greatly appreciated ♡ feedback warmly welcomed! [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenhyungs) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jenhyung) | [more notes](https://jenhyung.tumblr.com)


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